Husband Won't Wait

Let's get real: guys like to have sex. Why should I wait to have sex when I know my husband isn't waiting for me?

It sounds like you've had some bad relationships with guys. Whether they were just friends or boyfriends, they've convinced you that no guys will wait for their bride. I apologize for their behavior, because they are not real men. Real men know that their bride is worth waiting for. And real men know they are worth the wait too. Let's take a look at your question.

You are judging a person you haven't even met. Assuming that "no guy will wait" is as silly as me assuming my wife will be addicted to shopping. Just because some girls shop all the time does not mean all girls will do the same. I won't deny that males do like sex, but I also won't deny the thousands of men I have met that are waiting for marriage.

Don't sabotage your future marriage. What happens when you meet prince charming, and you have to explain to him that you had sex with every boyfriend because you figured he'd be screwing around. Oops, my bad. Or even worse, what happens when you miss the one because you are in bed with some other guy?

Remember, love is not a game. Don't assume that because he could be fooling around, that gives you permission to fool around. You are in a losing battle with someone who's not even playing your game. Chastity is a not what you "don't do," it's understanding that sexuality is a precious gift. It's not how many times you can give it away then take it back, or see how far you can unwrap it and not give it away.

Give love a chance. Live a life that proves that love is possible. Make decisions that will bring you closer to your husband and him closer to you. I promise you, it's worth the wait!


-Matt

Boyfriend Using Porn?

I've been dating this new guy for a few weeks. He came over my house last night, and I caught him looking at porn on my computer. I was shocked, but laughed it off and pulled him into the living room. We didn't talk about it. What do I do?

Porn 101: Girls do not understand the temptation of pornography for guys. It's a real temptation males deal with all the time: dads at work, teachers at school, and teenagers at home. ALL guys have that temptation, but many men decide everyday to stay away from the trash. That's why I refuse to get Internet access at my house, because I know pornography effects/changes how I see the world, especially my girlfriend.


How pornography effects a relationship, physically and sexually:

• He'll get physical with you and imagine he's with the girls he sees in porn. If you two do have sex, then he's not making love with you, he's masturbating with your body.


• If you do have sex, he'll have unrealistic expectations of what you'll do. The girls in porn movies do whatever whenever, and have no sexual expectations of their own.


• You will never be able to compete with the porn girls. Most of them have been cut up and sewed to unrealistic proportions. In his eyes, there is "dreamland" on the computer and "she will have to do" sitting next to him. There will always be tension between because
  of this.


• I could make a whole website about pornography's
  affect on women. Actually, I did: http://www.porndestroyswomen.org/

How pornography affects a relationship, emotionally:

Pornography has an irrefutable effect on male interaction with females. A male user of pornography will be more:

• Impatient
  
• Demanding
  
• Impulsive
  
• Emotionally distant
  
• Callous towards females
  
• Numb to violence
  

You can see that dating a guy who uses porn is difficult and unhappy. But let's take a closer look at your specific situation: he looked at porn at your house. He is trapped in sexual addiction and is testing his boundaries. He's a new boyfriend, and he wants to see how you will react. You said nothing, so that gives him permission to do it again. This is the first step in a long nightmare.

Take a stand and get out of the relationship because it is best for you.

But what about him? Tell him why you don't want to go out anymore. It's going to take some courage, but you must do it if you are going to help him. Otherwise, you are just passing him off to be some other girl's problem. Here are some good lines to open his eyes to what's really going on:

• "I want a guy to date me, not me and hundreds of naked women."


• "While you look at porn, I'll be at football practice watching the team take showers. I'll see how you size up."


• "Good, you use porn too. This way we don't have the trouble of being in a relationship. I'll stay at my house with my computer, you stay at your house with yours. I'll see you at school tomorrow."


• "Maybe one day we can do a threesome. Your friends are pretty cute, invited one of them to join us."