The Age Thing

I am a senior guy at a very small school where there are not many girls my age. Recently I met a freshman girl that I seem to connect with. In the past I haven't looked twice at any girl more than 2 years younger because I didn't want to have to deal with the "age thing." She is just coming into high school and I am just on my way out. Is it really ok for a senior guy to chase a freshmen girl, or does that just show poor social skills on my part?

I went to high school with 200 other kids. I know how discouraging it can be when there's no one you want to date. I want to elaborate on a few things you said, then give my advice. It might surprise you.

You know what's up with the senior-guy-freshman-girl-thing. As a guy, you know that other senior guys usually chase freshman for sex and cheap relationships. It doesn't sound like that's your intention, but understand if you do date, that will become an issue and effect your relationship with her. Now let's talk about her.

Most girls dream about dating an older guy. It's part of the high school fairy tale. So know she'll be pretty willing to date if you if you make it an option. But should you?

Do spend time with her. But don't date, as in go out then make out then freak out. Let her know you think she's cool and would like to spend more time with her, but let her know it's not dating. It could be sitting next to her at the game, or getting coffee after school. She'll be happy to have your attention. She will admire you, and you can spend that time to make a positive impression on her that will last forever.

If you two do click, then maybe there's a relationship in the future, as you both get older. If you don't click, then you'll have saved you both from a lot of trouble. Soon you'll be in college and you can look back and know you did the right thing.


-Matt

Lesbian Party Kisses?

I am a freshman and it's been cool because we are getting invited to some senior parties. The boys are cute and they are totally nice. But all my friends, I am talking about girls, are giving each other kisses at the parties. The guys go crazy and give them more attention. They are always daring us to kiss each other or dance on each other. I don't know.

There are two issues here: the guys, and the girls. First, let's talk about the guys.

Guys:
The Reality: Most porn that boys watch is between two women, and they are just trying to see the real thing right in front of them, instead of on their computer. They are used to getting what they want when they want from women who have no feelings or souls or needs. When they ask you to do this, they are treating you like you have no soul, no feelings, and no needs. This has to stop.

What to do about the Guys: Talk to the boys when they are pressuring your friends. This is hard, especially because they are older and rowdy. Don't say something like, "Hey don't you know that's bad!" But, be brave sassy, "No, little boy, I am not your toy." Or tell them, "No, it's your turn. Why don't you two make out so you can turn on the girls?" They should get the point.

Girls:
The Reality: This is a bigger issue then a "little kiss" at a party. It's setting the standard that women are objects and are for entertainment, and will do whatever a guy asks. These girls will never get the respect. They'll be used up and dumped faster than you can say "Monica Lewinski." Plus, you are encouraging guys to make a habit of objectifying women. It's not harmless fun.

What to do with the Girls: Stay away from the guys who treat you like an object and give your attention to guys who respect you. Talk to your friends. Think about it: do you want to go to your daughter's dance recital and run into other moms you've French kissed? Do you want to look out and think, "I made out with Sarah's mommy, Kayla's mommy, Taylor's mommy"? Talk about it and make a decision to not do it. Stick to it.


-Matt

No Cool Guys?

There are no cool guys at my school. I am an attractive, popular girl, and I still can't get a date. It seems like guys only care about sex. They are immature and…I don't know what else to say. I am frustrated. What do I do?

I am proud of you for seeing the guys at your school for what they are: immature and misguided. They should act less like boys and be more like men. The question is this: what are you doing about it?

Some girls make the situation worse. Out of fear of being unliked, unpopular, or unloved (usually all three), girls will lower their standards: dress like slut, act like a slut, and date a guy who's a slut. All of this will destroy you dignity and encourage the guys to keep being boys. Some girls make the situation better. This is what I challenge you to do. Here are three things you can do to make your school better.

1. Accept responsibility for making your life, your relationships, and your school a better place. This does not mean that everything will be perfect and people will applaud for you when you walk in the classroom. But if you don't believe you can make a difference, then you never will.
   
   
2. Making gentlemen. He will be as much of a gentlemen as you expect. This is true for one guy you date and all the guys in the halls. Expect more, and you'll get more. This is a unique power of women, a secret that most guys don't want girls to know. Do not tolerate guys making sexual jokes or them talking about porn. You don't have to become an angry policewoman, but take a kind and firm stand.
   
   
3. To date or not to date? Judging from your question, you're not interested in anyone. This is fine, you shouldn't lower your standards just to prove you can get a date. If you are confidently single, you'll empower other girls to not go out with guys "just because." If you find a good guy, be determined to make it a quality relationship. Others will notice that things are right.
   

Most of all, have hope! Your future husband could be reading this right now. Pray for him. Live in a way you want him to live. I've met over 100,000 teenagers all over the country. There are some cool guys out there that are worth waiting for.